Friends.. This is for you xx

So I recently read a post about a girl asking how to deal with her best friends chronic illness, and it's never actually dawned on me that other people may have been struggling with my diagnoses too. Obviously your friends will never go through the same amount of hurt, pain and struggles with my MS but they will still see and feel it. 

I have been so self absorbed with being diagnosed that quite frankly, I never even thought of others (whether this is right or wrong I don't really know). Im not gonna lie the past few years have been so difficult with trying to find a happy medium within myself that I have totally just been so self centred. so yeah, this is just a quick sorry and thanks sesh.

I'm sorry to any of my friends if I ever disregarded your feelings towards me cos it wasn't happening to you. It's been a difficult road for me and please know I am entirely grateful for the constant love and support. It's all still really new to me and I'm still getting my head around having this shit disease. I'm sorry if I'm a moody bitch with it all too. I hope I haven't changed a huge deal since when I was first diagnosed cos I've been cool since day, but if I have I'm sorry! It's not purposely done, I'm still funny af so alls good haha,

To any new friends (you know who you are), sorry I didn't really tell you about having MS, I just don't  want it to define me. Thanks for loving me for just simply being me! Sorry that I have to cancel plans last minute. I can't imagine my life without you guys so thanks for just being so cool. Thanks for making me feel so unbelievably comfortable around you all. Thanks for the adventures, I never want it to ever end.

I also thank you all for checking in every now and again, sometimes it doesn't matter how many people you have around you having MS can just eat you up at times, it's such a powerful disease physically and mentally and you don't realise how much I'm grateful for just a message asking if I'm okay ❤️

Atm for me my MS is 'when it's good it's very good and when it's bad it's awful' but honestly having my friends around makes it so much more bearable. 

Shout out to you all.

Love you longtime. 

Mermaid Rosie xo

2015/2016 relapse.

I haven't really blogged in a while because I've had nothing interesting to report lol, until a few months ago.

So I've been off work since mid November due to the worst relapse I've had to date. The right side of my body had a complete meltdown (what a drama queen my body is ha). But seriously, I can't begin to explain how difficult it has been. It felt like a complete loss of independence. I think the most difficult thing at times is that people don't believe or understand how hard it is. People assume because I look fine on the outside or because I'm fairly young that I'm ok.. 

So I've been given some tablets by both my neurologist and GP which should hopefully help my symptoms calm down. I feel like a walking pharmacist at the moment, I'm genuinely contemplating buying one of those day of the week tablet cases too lol.

I'm also actually really confused. When I relapse I have extreme aching pain down the right side of my body but my neurologist says that's nothing to do with MS (I think he believes I'm a drama queen, I'm not just in a lot of pain) however my GP disagrees and says she knows many patients who have aching with their MS. There's a saying associated with MS 'no two the same' so how could my neurologist just dismiss my pain? Maybe I'm not the same as the other patients he's had.

I still don't feel great but I go back to work tomorrow which feels more daunting than my first day 4 and a half years ago did, I've never felt so nervous about work. I'm sure I'll be fine.

So anyways enough of feeling sorry for myself, here's my list for any future relapses I may have:

How do you actually 'deal' with a relapse? Here's my opinion on what helps.

1) Don't cut yourself off from family and friends. I'm very lucky to have an amazing family who stick by me and understand as well as they can. I also have a few good supportive friends who still love me, even when I'm being miserable haha.

2) Try and get out. Don't mope around at home if you're feeling a little better go out! When I first relapsed I was really ill and couldn't get out of bed most days which mentally is not good. As the weeks went by, when I was having a good day I'd try and make the most of it and pop out (tbh getting out of bed was sometimes an accomplishment so actually leaving the house was like me doing a marathon lol).

3) Communicate. Whether it's with family, friends, doctors, work. Communication is so important.

4) Keep busy. I bought some arts around crafts bits to do but honestly I didn't feel up to it both mentally and physically. However I will make a conscious effort next time to do something other than watch Netflix all day (I must have been their best customer though haha).

5) Buy another kitten. Haha not really, otherwise I'll end up with hundreds of cats (not that I'd care!). But We did get a kitten a couple of weeks after I relapsed. We named him Dexter and although he is crazy he really helped me. Sounds ridiculous but he did. I felt responsible for someone and that was nice!

                                                      

                                                              Me and my baby Dexter ❤️

To any of my family and friends who have read this, I love you. And to everyone else I love you too haha thanks for reading xxxxxxxx

2 years..

Tomorrow (June 19th) marks 2 years since I was diagnosed with MS. How do I feel about this? I don't know. It's difficult. Part of me looks at how far I've come and what I've achieved despite having an auto immune disease but the other part of me looks at a future I may never have. Perhaps I'm holding myself back. I probably am and I should really snap out of this. Whenever I do snap out of this kind of mood I'm kindly remind by my nervous system that actually I'm not a normal healthy person and I do need to slow down. Finding a happy medium would help me accept being ill, if I don't accept this I think that this illness will just eat me up and spit me out.

coming to terms?

How do you ever learn to come to terms with having something you don't want?

So I haven't posted in nearly a year, and I've been trying to think why I haven't and it just clicked.. I write this whilst sitting in pain remembering at times like this I have a progressive neurological autoimmune disease (MS).

It's taken me almost a year to realise that I'm never going to be healthy again, and that's made me sad. Everyone thinks I'm this strong person, or perhaps they expect it? I dunno, what I do know is that I'm not nearly as strong as people think I am. It's just a facade I can play very well I think.

I know there are people out there worse off than me, I get it I really do, but I just don't wanna live with an illness that will eat me up and just spit me out. I'm scared. People tell me not to think about the future but surely you have to? I know everyone's future is pretty much unknown but I feel like mine is really scary. 

My charity work for the MS society has been non existent right now which also makes me feel pretty crap about myself but I've got a few ideas flowing (thank god)! 

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm living with something I'm trying to ignore and it's not going away however hard I try and that's not healthy for anyone. How do you accept that one day the normal you know is going to disappear? I don't wanna rely on medicines to live I really don't. I feel like the last year I have changed, maybe not on the outside and the way I act around family and friends. But inside I've come to realise that not everything lasts forever and it's just frightening I suppose. I don't wanna be cynical but just realistic?

But seriously how do you come to terms with having something you don't want? Maybe it's time...

Being grateful :)

Lately I've been feeling grateful about so many things so I thought I'd share my thoughts and feelings.. There is so much that many of us are grateful for apart from the essentials like food, drink,shelter etc.. At the moment I'm feeling so very grateful for:

1) my parents- I am soooooo grateful for my parents. They have stuck by my side through everything and I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for them. Since I fell ill in march 2011 they've both been by my side and come to every doctors appointment with me. I can imagine how hard things could have been for them but not once was that reflected on the outside. They were forever positive and telling me that nothing is the end of the world. I seriously couldn't have better parents. I love you both to the moon and back! And they're also taking me to Australia for my 21st!!! Best parents ever? Yeap I think so too

2) my family - since day one they have been supportive and not afraid to talk to me about my illness, which I love. They are such a crazy lot but I wouldn't have it any other way! Everyone is soo supportive in whatever I do. Whenever I come up with my crazy fundraising ideas they never tell I won't be able to do anything,they're so positive! Which I love and which makes me love them so much ❤️

3) my MS - sounds so weird but I'm so grateful, not only do I now have a name to my illness but I've also met some amazing people who are connected to MS in one way or another. Since being diagnosed I've become such a mature and level headed person. Yeah, I hate MS so very much but since there's no cure it's something I can't run away from, instead I'll just embrace it and do EVERYTHING in my power to help fundraise which will ultimately help find a cure :)

4) My friends - although if I'm honest I've lost many friends since being diagnosed or people are very different towards me (their loss not mine!) I do have such a lovely bunch of friends who are very supportive in whatever I do which is so lovely it's nice to know people care about you (as silly as that sounds), I've also made many new friends which it's great :) I have a group of 8 girls, including me.. (you know who you are) which most of them I've known for almost 10 years, I literally wouldn't be able to cope sometimes if it wasn't for them. They're so positive and funny and supportive and if you're reading this I know I don't open up much but thank you, I love you all so much ❤️

5) my cats - I love my cats haha (WARNING: future cat lady) need I say more? Haha

6) Work - since sept 2011 I've been working with the best people I could have imagined! I'm so grateful to have had a part time job during uni so I wasn't a poor student (yay)! The support I've had from work has also been amazing, I couldn't have asked for anything more! I've met some of the best and funniest people at work, which I know I'll be friends with forever ❤️

Life's gooooood!

I know I haven't posted in a while things have been pretty hectic atm! Got a few things which makes life good atm: 

1) Good news from the neurologist.. Atm My MS dormant so alls good, I'm carrying on my eating plan too :) 

2) I ve also had a little radio debut talking about my MS story on BBC three counties radio too! That was amazing and just so much fun I wish I could do it all again! 

3) Uni is almost over!!! (Yay) can't wait! quite nervous about entering the "real world" but I'm sure I'll be fine :) haha

4) I'm running the half marathon (haha yes, really) for the MS society uk and I'm hoping to raise £1000, it's definitely going to be a challenge but I love a challenge. It's a looooong run but when you're so passionate about something things will always be fine! 

And last but no way least 

5)  I'm going to be a godmother!! My lovely cousin is having a baby boy and he is lucky enough to have me as his godmother ;) (I joke) 

So yeah all is good in the whole world of Rosie! 

New diet!

So the past week I've cut out (where possible) Wheat, Gluten, Dairy, Yeast and Legumes in hope of  helping to ease some of my MS symptoms. so far so good.. its actually been alot easier than i thought it would have been! I've found a really nice healthy dairy substitute called 'Koko' so thats made life a little easier haha!

I've also made some wheat/dairy/gluten free granola bars which are a nice substitute for chocolate!

The recipe was pretty simple to!

1 1/2 cups of gluten free oats
1 cup of dried fruit
1 cup of nuts (chopped)
1 1/2 cup of honey
1 tablespoon of chocolate powder (not compulsory)
1 tablespoon of vanilla essence
1 tablespoon of cinnamon

Method:  (preheat oven to 165 degrees)

1) add the oats, fruit and nuts together in a bowl
2) Heat the honey in the microwave for 30 seconds, add the chocolate powder, vanilla essence and cinnamon into the same bowl as the honey whilst its warm.
3) add the honey mixture to the oats, fruit and nuts
4) place the mixture in a tray to go into the oven for 20-25minutes
5) once the mixture is out if the oven use a spatula to squash down the mixture to its more confined
6) once the mixture is cool you can cut them :)

Future Rosie

So I'm feeling really ill at the moment and in an anti-social mood but I thought I'd talk about the recent letter I'd written..

So I've written a letter for future Rosie, 4 pages for me to read in 10years. This letter really made me think what was important right now in my life. I'd recommend everyone to do this, it made me think of my opinions and I'm so intrigued to see if they've changed. I also wonder where life will have taken me in 10 years? 

Within the letter I've asked so many questions lol I think I'm going to annoy future Me with all the questions and silly jokes! 

Throughout the 4 pages of the letter I probably cried or welled up at least 5 times it's made me think of how far I've come and how much has changed within the last few years. I'm proud of myself. And I just hope within the next 10 years I don't forget how far I've come. I'd love to just help people whether it be a profession or a hobby or a life change..

I want to grow into a person that I'd be proud of right now!

So on the 16/1/2024 I'll be opening the letter I've written and I'm genuinely so excited :)

If I ever come  across  my  blog in future years I just want future rosie to know:

1) nothing's impossible, make sure you follow your dreams.. don't give fuck what others think of them! 

2) don't put your happiness in the hands of someone else 

3) Travel the world! It's never too late 

4) Make sure you're happy in whatever you do 

5) keep in contact with the friends and family who were there for you through thick and thin

6) make sure you carry on helping others 

7) don't be afraid of anything

8) life's to short do everything you want to

And most importantly 

9) every cloud has a silver lining ❤️

"I just want to be happy"

I apologise for the lack of posts lately been so busy with uni work! 

In a bit of a strange mood at the moment, not sure why I think things have just been a bit hectic emotionally and physically or it could be that I still feel hungover since yesterday hahahaha

I feel so stressed with my life, I just have no idea what I want to do after uni. It seems like everyone's lives around me is falling together and I'm stuck here still finding the peices.. My main goal in life is to be doing something that 1) I love and 2) makes me happy

I suppose the whole MS thing has thrown a spanner in the works, and sometimes I feel so ill 

And if you would have asked me 4 years ago what I wanted to be I would have said 100% a teacher but I now don't know the whole intensiveness of the PGCE seems like it would take it out of me 

Well I'm sure something will pop up.. Well I hope it does anyways! Just need to stay positive :) I just want to be happy! 

Positivity and 2014!

If there's one ultimate goal i could achieve in 2014 it would be that I've helped someone.From personal experiences I know that Being ill can be so isolating, Often people tell me "I know what you're going through" but no unless you're going through it you don't know. if I can can help just 1 person believe that they're not alone then i'll be a very happy girl :)

Positivity

My glass will always be Half full.Life is too short to be anything but happy,and if that means letting things go then so be it..

Theres so many people in life who you think will be there for you no matter what but 2013 showed me and 2014 has already shown me otherwise. personally for me i take it as a lesson and from now on i just wont let that certain thing/person affect my life.

Its easy to get in a kind of rut thinking that your life is so awful but there's one thing you ALWAYS need to have in your mind.. there is always someone out in the world in a worse situation.

We have to be grateful for the little things in life such as food, water, shelter etc

Of course there's times where I just wanna cry and think 'why me' but really you cant sit and dwell about these things because in the meantime life is going to pass by and you'll have nothing to show for it..

Theres one thing at the moment which could literally make me cry of happiness and thats the love and support of my friends who want do charity work for MS society, the one thing I want is to be better and it makes me so touched that friends would want to help <3

ABSEIL

So yeah as you can read from my previous post, on the 30th of march im abseiling over 100ft down the side of a shopping centre in aid of MS Society and would love to raise even more than I did in october!
so please please please sponsor me at justgiving,com/roseanna Any little bit would help :) xx

2014 charity abseil for MS Society!

So I'm going to be doing another charity abseil for MS society in March and I couldn't be more excited! 

All of the money I raise will go to MS society and helping people in so many ways! For example: 

 £50 runs online forums for a day allowing people affected by MS to provide emotional support and information to each other

£100 funds 2 hours of vital research in MS whether this be into finding a cure for the condition or helping improve and develop treatments

£250 trains an MS Society Support Volunteer to provide help, advice and information to people in their area

£500 could pay for a young carer to go on a short break and have some well earned rest from their day to day caring duties

£1000 provides a scooter for a person with MS enabling them to retain their independence and mobility

By doing the charity work I feel it's some kind of hope in believing I can help to make a difference and help to find a cure.. 

I'll put more details up of my abseil and where you can sponsor me soon! 

New Years resolutions

So I'm sat on the train home from work thinking about what I want my New Years resolutions to be this year (not that I ever stick to mine) however  this year it's gonna be my mission to stick to all of the New Years resolutions I make! So here's a few I can think of on the top of my mind! 

1) learn how to play the guitar 

2) stick to my no gluten/diary/yeast diet (for ms) for as long as I need to! 

3) be more patient with others 

4) raise more money for MS society 

5) figure out what I wanna do after uni

6) if something no longer makes me happy, leave it 

7) swear less (haha) 

8) go out more! 

9) stick to all of these resolutions!! 

Having 9 resolutions is a bit ambitious for myself (especially as I never follow them through lol) but I feel 2014 will be my year..

 It's the year I'll be starting medication for ms, the year I graduate from uni, the year I turn 21 and the year I get to go back to Australia! 

 

Hurry up 2014 I've been waiting for you :)

A bit of a rant!!

FYI ignoring me and pretending I do not exist isn't going to take away the fact I have MS, it just makes me realise who you truly are and that I don't want to be associated with you.

There are too many people around me who have changed since I've been diagnosed. I don't understand why?? as I'm the same person I was and the same person I always will be.

I know my diagnoses is hard for people but how do you think I feel? I'm the one living this, I'm the one who has to change her future plans. I'm the one living in uncertainty. People need to be less selfish and more aware! 

I've been doing charity bits for MS society to find a cure the least people can do is sponsor me so I will no longer be living the way I am!

Christmas is the season of good will, how about people start treating me like the person I am/was/always will be!

I am so grateful for the family and friends who have been so supportive of me this year, I wouldn't have even got though this year without them! Especially my parents xxx

I apologise for the rant, just needed to let this out.

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas filled with love, joy, presents and food!!! I certainly did, I had an amazing day with my family :) 

Christmas!

As we all know Christmas is 2 days away (seems to have come so fast this year!!) and today I've sat down and thought about the things I've been grateful for this year.. 

1) my family - this year has truly shown my how amazing and supportive my family are! 

2) friends - some of my friends have been   so wonderful this year

3) work - although I struggle with work at times and I'm not in a lot, I'm grateful I have a job as some people are struggling to even get a job.

4) being able to go back to Australia next August :D I'm genuinely so grateful for that! 

And lastly

5) I'm grateful for not being as ill as I could be, I know I'm not well but there are People out in the world are so much more iller than I am! 

Merry Christmas everyone! 

MS, you're getting on my nerves.

Excuse the pun in the title but it made me laugh 

Not feeling too good today, MS is not being nice to me. Typical that it happens before Christmas :(

But things could always be worse.. There's people out in the world fighting a much harder battle! 

These quotes are so relevant for me at the moment! 

MS

As you may have read in my previous post, I have Multiple Sclerosis. Being told I have MS on the 19th of June 2013 was probably the strangest day I've experienced. On one hand I was happy that I had finally been diagnosed and was no longer living in the unknown but on the other hand it felt as if my whole world came crashing down.

Multiple Sclerosis is an autoimmune disease which means my bodies nerves attacks itself leading to the many symptoms I experience from numbness and burning sensations to losing feeling in any part of my body aswell as a range of cognitive symptoms. MS is such a life changing disease, I have no idea where it will take me in the future but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the present as well as I can!

MS Symptoms..

I should be going into treatment soon, which is a bittersweet situation as it kinda makes things seem so much more real and that really until there's a cure found I'll be dependent on medication indefinitely. 

I know having MS is hard for the family and friends around me and i know many of my family and friends find it difficult to deal with but all they can do is support me in any way possible, that's all I'll ever need from them. I might have MS but all always be the same person i ever was the only thing that's changed is my health and the priorities which surround them. I'm not a normal 20 year old getting drunk every weekend (etc) isnt my priority, being as well as i can be is.

Sometimes I get annoyed/upset about having Multiple Sclerosis but..

'Every cloud has a silver lining'

Yes having MS is rubbish but at the same time its pushed me to start doing charity work for MS Society. I think by doing the charity work its like Hope for myself in finding a cure and one day being able to say 'I used to have Multiple Sclerosis'

The first bit of charity work I started was an 100ft abseil, 4 months after I was diagnosed and I can genuinely say that it was the most rewarding thing I've ever done! I raise £675 for MS society and I will be doing another abseil in march :)

I often get told that I'm 'really strong' what people mean by that I'll never know, I'm still trying to figure that out.. once i find out i'll blog about it! haha

P.s I love all of my family and friends who have supported me this year, its been a hard year but things can only get better!

Dressed as a Bee so MS can Buzz off haha

MS Society charity genuinely is so amazing, all the people that work that are so lovely and supportive! I dont know how I would have gotten through the last few months without them!

a little intro - 12 facts about myself.

Hi :)

1) My name is Roseanna, but I'm known as Rosie by most people 
2) I'm 20 years old (although I don't feel or act my age haha)
3) I'm currently in my 3rd and final year of university (yay at last!)
4) I'm studying an education studies degree (I originally planned on being a teacher but that's on hold for now)
5) I'm quite sarcastic and i also tend to laugh at my own jokes (this will probably be visible in my blog, I apologise in advance..)
6) I have curly hair (which other people seem to love)
7) I used to live in Australia 
8) I have no idea about what i want to be 'When I grow up'
9) I love quotes that I can relate to (I know I'm a geek lol)
10)  I have an illness called Scheuermanns disease
11) I also have Multiple Sclerosis 
12) I've decided to write a blog because I feel it may be a good way to express my feelings and also to hopefully help and inform people :)